Firstly, I hope everyone is up to date as I have had to delete the old blogs. Apparently I had reached the limit or something or other! Secondly, apologies to everyone I told I would be updating last night. In the evening things took a definate turn for the better and I ended up switching my grotty, bed bug infested backpacker hostel for a luxury 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom 9th floor penthouse apartment, complete with rooftop swimming pool and jacuzzi and 52 inch plasma TV screen all for a grand total of.....FREE! But anyways, more on that later, let's start at the beginning.....
I thought, somewhat naively perhaps, that as a Westernised country Australia would be just like home. Unfortunately I had failed to take into account the fact that I have been living on a tropical island for over half a year! So it was a bit of a shock when I ventured out of my hostel to realise that I was, well, culture shocked! Through a process of trail and error I have slowly learnt that I DO have to look both ways when crossing the street, I DO have to take my ID to the pub (wtf? I never even had to do that in England!) and I DON'T have to take my shoes off when entering a building! It's also taken me several attempts to get the hang of the Chip and PIN machines again. After my first encounter the girl in Woolworths obviously thought I was on day release! This must be what it's like to be old, all this new fangled technology!
I've seen a hell of a lot of the city over the past week from fruitless jobhunting. For some reason it really reminds me of central Birmingham, not sure why. Maybe it's something to do with the architecture and the fact that everyone talks with a funny accent! It became very obvious very quickly that Perth was going to yield none of its underwater delights to me so I began to half heartedly look for work in clothes shops, coffee shops, bars and even a florist - a very embarrassing experience for all involved (Do you have any horticultural experience darl? Erm......well I like flowers, I think they smell nice!) Forgive me for being the job snob that I know I am - my wife has been calling me it for years - but I didn't spend all that money on diving and travel to the other side of the world to work in another clothes shop! I'm supposed to be getting experience for my IDC! But if that doesn't happen I think I would still rather work on a sheep station or fruit farm - at least that would be something different - so it looks like I shall blowing this town sky high by the end of the week and heading North (if I can stand to leave my luscious new place!)
So anyway, what else have I done with my week? I visited the Museum of Western Australia. Slightly interesting at the beginning, tapered off a lot in the middle but picked up at the end for the main exhibition (www.cabaret.co.uk - although it may not be as good when viewed from a computer screen!) I went to the Art Gallery and practised my Art Appreciation pose (hip jutting forward, shoulders thrown back with a look of bored superiority on my face) I thought the stuff by the 'real' artists was a pile of self-obssessed, pretentious tripe and the exhibiton of work by Yr 12 students from various colleges around the state was among the best work I have ever seen. Each piece was so high quality it made me want to laugh and some of them were so full of such obvious teenage angst that I wanted to cry. I wish I had talent like that.
The other day I braved (yes, braved! I've never really been a city girl at heart) the Perth underground and trains and buses and all that and made my way to the Aquarium of Western Australia. I had pinned all my hopes on getting a job here but as I've heard so many times before, they're 'not hring DM's at the moment.' Oh well, I had a nice afternoon wandering around the quayside, being chased by seagulls who coveted my cookie, and spilling most of my Very Berry milkshake on top of poor Rolf Harris' head on the Hollywood Boulevard-esque Australia Walk of Fame. He didn't seem to mind though. I also bowled up to King's Park one afternoon, as my Lonely Planet had promised me 'spectacular panoramic views of the city.' And they were, they really were, except I had failed to deduce that a panoramic view would necessitate walking up a big fucking hill!! It's hard to enjoy a view when your wondering if you should alert someone to the fact that your having a minor heart attack! What was even more embarrassing though was that I was passed on the way up this near vertical monstrosity by a group of 70yr old fun runners! I briefly toyed with the idea of asking them to carry me, but they ran off too damn fast and I was too out of breath to call after them!
I had very much wanted to do some fun diving while I was here, as so many people have told me about the joys of Rottnest Island. However I seem to have slightly burnt my bridges with Malibu Divers, what sems to be the only dive shcool around. I bowled up to ask for a job.....
Me: Hi. Do you have any DM vacancies at the moment?
Disinterested Fuck-Wit on Reception: We might have. Where did you train?
Me: Koh Tao in Thailand.
DFWoR: There's the door!
Me: Come again?
DFWoR: We don't hire people from Thailand. It's our experience that they're not very well trained and can't dive to a very good standard.
Me: (Gobsmacked by the rudeness) Well actually I trained at Crystal Dive which has just won the award for Excellence in Diver Development. Technically I'm a product of what PADI recognises to be the best dive school in South East Asia Pacific, which last time I checked, included Perth! Do you have any awards from PADI?
Cue meaningful look at the disinterested fuckwit, and flouncing out! Well, I couldn't afford it anyway!
I'll put you out of your misery now and tell you how I came to be living in what is definately Perth's upper class district for free. It begins on another night in at the hostile, watching South Park with a load of German's who don't laugh at the jokes. Suddenly, the deathly silence was sliced by the dulcet tones of OK Go emanating from my mobile. On answering, I am assailed by "Gutterslut! Gutterslut! Where are you right now?" (another of my Koh Tao nicknames and not my favourite!) It's only Ross, my old lodger, friend and fellow DMT! Turns out he was less than 5 minutes away from me in The Shed, enjoying a legendary Perth Sunday Session. Beelining down the road, I ended up in his arms being swung around in the road much to the amusement of onlookers! Hours later, after the putting away of many pints of Tooheys and two proposals of marriage from Ross' friends, we headed back to his for a couple of beers. He mentioned that he wasn't staying in a hostel but in a flat and made it sound fairly nice so I decided to go check it out!
We jumped out of the taxi next to a Cafe Italia. Next thing I know, I'm being led through a plushly carpeted reception area, and shooting skywards in a wood panelled lift. He shows me the roof top swimming pool and jacuzzi and the fantastic night time vista over the city (much better than bloody King's Park!) Suitably impressed, he then takes me to the flat. All pale wood floors, spacious balconies, 52 inch plasma TV (52inch!!!!) halogen spotlights, understated chic at its very best. I haven't even been anywhere near something this nice back home!!! We go upstairs (yes, there's even an upstairs!!) and he shows off the marbley coolness of the bathroom complete with jacuzzi bath, which I promptly fell into (I haven't seen a bath in a long time and got a bit over excited and I was fairly drunk by this point!) then we cracked a couple of beers on ANOTHER balcony and sat and watched the city. I can't remember the ins and outs of the story but basically, one of Ross' mates is trying to sell it and is letting him stay until he does, FREE OF CHARGE! Ross just has to keep it clean in case he views it to anyone. And, best of all? Ross has offered me a bed!!!!! Screw the hostel mate, I'm there! I'm not exactly sure how much the neighbours appreciate us though. This morning in the lift, surrounded by the suited and booted execs who live there, we stood out slightly - me in my tatty jeans, battered Converse and over sized hoodie with mascara smudged all over my face, and Ross in his muddy work boots and high-vis jacket, in desperate need of a shave! I love making other people uncomfortable!
Future plans at the moment involve watching many films, drinking many beers, making good use of the jacuzzi and swimming pool and possibly moving on on Saturday. It's whaleshark season on the Ningaloo Reef so work should be fairly easy to come by. I'll keep you posted but right now, I'm going to go stand on the balcony and whoop like an idiot!