Barthelona

March 5, 2007 - Barcelona, Spain

TO CATCH UP:

Back in Spain, where women smoke cigarettes as thin as coffee stirrers, and little girls wear high-healed shoes. A lackadaisical day is spent in Madrid walking between parks and bookshops, picking the last bits of Morocco from my nose in the sunshine. My stomach is still an issue, so many of my destinations have to do with public bathroom availability.

Mostly I am left with my thoughts:
What is the meaning and significance of an "open relationship"? There may not be an emotion worse than jealousy- it has the futility of worrying and the negativity of disdain. Feel the need to purge the permanent feeling of waiting, but what's so important about living in the now if the past and future has been and could be so great? I love when air ducts visibly reduce in size along their length. Nothing like a beer in a park to ease an upset stomach and a lonely heart.

That night, freezing in Chacos at a busy Madrid intersection, I spend an hour whistling the Christmas carol stuck in my head as I watched our planet eclipse its moon from sight. Then I make a beeline for the bus station to get my overnighter to Barcelona. After trying to catch a 23:59 bus at 24:59, I have to buy another ticket, obviously failing the test of pre-purchasing bus fare in Spanish over the phone.

In Barcelona I cool my heels, using the hell out of the hostel's free internet, sleeping in as late as possible, eating as much free food as possible, walking around the city, and trying to land a job. Full, golden moon on the beach.

Am giving serious thought to wearing a friendly colored shirt on which I write, "will you be my friend?." On the weekend this would be switched out with a tighter shirt displaying, "want to go on a date?" Both would be in Spanish, of course.

"Once you're released from necessity, you can do all kinds of original thinking."-from an article about polyamory, but the idea seems to have relevance in many realms: architecture, jobs, food, etc.

Will flew in last Saturday for the week! All about this and my new job I started today will be posted very soon, promise.

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2 Comments

Jennifer Lazar:

March 17, 2007

Hale,

...having a lonely heart when you travel is both a blessing and a curse. It makes you take risks you might not consider otherwise and think about things in a new way. It's like a gateway to adventure, so ride the wave. It can be VERY rewarding! If the adventure and reward haven't presented yet, know that the folks back home are sending a hug and wishing you all the best.

Kristen Cross:

March 17, 2007

hey babe, just remember, life is necessity. Food, love, companionship... those are the necessities. Meaning, continuity, and other such elusive "pleasures" are just desires. Recently I' ve been thinking a lot about perspective. On the one hand I just found a job... (I got a jooooobbbb, I got a joooooobbbb!!!) on the other I feel a need to move to Denver to be near my sisters and my b.f. David. Its hard to remember that what I need and want are two different things; the health insurance and income this job would provide is a true NEED, whereas living near my sisters and my bff is a desire that, while pressing, can be realised in the future. I've been stressed that this is, like, the LAST chance to rekindle my relationship with my sisters and live with David which is probably isn't true. In reality, I think I'm trying to convince myself of that so I can shirk my duty to live responsibly so I can escape the pain of feeling left behind here in P-town.
So. Enough introspective rambling. Living abroad is fucking hard! You're in a new cultural context with a surprisingly difficult language barrier (didn't you think knowing Spanish would be enough? but in Barthelona, not so much!) and have a REAL NEED for reassurance. What you don't need is to avoid learning the hard lesson of self reliance and appreciating how freaking awesome having loving family and friends at home can be. Maybe I'm totally failing to make my point here but what I want to say is that, though you may want nothing more than to have someone step up and take the initiative to say "Ok, lets be friends!", that when you're out there feeling alone... you're not. See someone you want to befriend, or date? You have me, Gretchen, your family, and so many others rooting you on even if you can't quite hear us over the trans-atlantic din of all those planes/boats/internet cables. And by god if I "have" to come out there and enjoy the bounty of barcelonan cuisine, nightlife, and experiences, I will! Just to remind you that we all love you and know that you're a wonderful person who can find friends galore. I don't know that I can give you any advice about polyamory except to say that it will only feel right if it feels right and if it doesn't, you don't loose points in anyone's book for asserting your personal boundaries. love kristen.

ps. I wanna come to Spain to do a pilgrimage to Santiago de compostelo, wanna come along? good luck with the job search!

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Barthelona

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