in the darkness

January 4, 2009 - Singapore, Singapore

in the darkness

just the question

why?

and nothing can ever make it right

nothing will ever take away this pain that just goes deeper and deeper and deeper

I'm so cheerful on the outside, so busy walking and gardening and cleaning and doing (but not thinking, not writing, not talking) - but on the inside there's one almighty scream that echoes and echoes - why did it happen? why did he die? why is it like this?

I don't know what to do.

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2 Comments

Val:

January 4, 2009

*Hugs*

Ben Mackay:

January 6, 2009

Dearest Helena,
Hang on in there and contemplate the awful response, "Why not?" I experienced the inward scream, too. Maybe in the vast Australian countryside you could find a remote enough place to give expression to that scream and the pain that you feel so deeply... You would break into seemingly unending tears but you would not dissolve.
Stay with it for the time you need to. I'm "sitting close by" and I empathise with your tears.

Love as always,

Ben XXX

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in the darkness

2 Comments

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