Have just lost an entire entry - so this may not make sense.
Have a brief moment to go to the internet while someone else is guarding the bags at the albergue. So briefly - after I wrote yesterday, I completed the Jubilee Way in Lourdes. At one location, there was a wait of some time because the place was closed for lunch. I sat in the shade reading a book bought in a second hand store - written in French by a priest who was born in the 1860·s and served in Paris. Fell into conversation with a nun who is from Ars and works with the dying. We had a long talk about Lourdes, about Mark´s illness and death and about my making the Camino. It was really moving. She talked of the way that each person´s journey towards death is unique and told me how her work is very hard but is precious. When I told her about the Camino, or Chemin, she kept asking me ´"but what is the chemin, qui est le Chemin?" until I understood that she was reminding me that Jesus is the Chemin, the Way -and it is him that I meet as I walk this path. She also talked to me a lot about Mary at the foot of the cross - and I´ve been reminded of those images of the World Youth Day Stations of the Cross where Mary cradled Jesus in her arms - I kept thinking of Mark who was naked when he died, apart from the incontinece pad which we had put on him for the only time after we bathed him - and which, even at the time, I remember thinking made him look like the Christ. Afterwards, in the evening, I walked the Stations of the Cross which go up the mountainside. I hadn´t intended to, but from the very first station, it became a journey through Mark´s diagnosis, relapses, chemotherapy, the visits from friends and familty in hospital and his dying - amd of course, it ends with the resurrection. It was an incredibly powerful experience. Immediately afterwards, I came down the mountainside to the torchlight procession - a very different erperience to the other night when I was overwhelmed with grief and anger at Mark´s death. This time I cried just as much, but there was such a sense of sharing the grief - maybe because I looked towards the walkers (and could see their faces), rather than walking behind.
This morning, heavy thunder and rain - and I had packed my bag the night before with the rain gear right at the bottom! Have arrived in Irun - very scary being in a country where I don´t speak the language - the first challenge was simply to get out of the railway station! Followed the direction where most people seemed to be heading and eventually found a police station where I was directed to the pilgrim albergue - exactly where I had come from! While I was standing on a corner trying to work out where to go, a woman stopped, asked me (in French) whether I was a pilgrim, and then showed me the yellow arrows on the floor that indicate the route to the hostel. It doesn´t open until 4pm (I arrived at 11am) but there was a lovely young Polish man who arrived an hour ago who is now guarding my rucksack. He has walked from Berlin and has made the Camino several times - he tells me that ´miracles happen in the Camino´.
Many thoughts towards you all - today is a prayer for the World Youth Day pilgrims and all those who face unfamiliar situations. Also for Rowan B and the names in my book.
