Beautiful India and healing process

"If you think of the hardest thing for you to do and how much you resist it, then you are looking at your greatest lesson at the moment. Surrendering, giving up the resistance and allowing yourself to learn what you need to learn, will make the next step easier"

We all have our reasons for travelling, and we each find what we need to find during those travels. If we keep our mind and hearts open, travels do not usually bring exactly what we were searching for, but even better they can bring what we had not excepted at all.

When I decided to go to India, I had no idea why I was going. My companion had decided to go for his studies in Japan alone, and besides the pain it caused me, I had no choice but to respect his choice, and to find my own way. As I did not feel like spending 3 months alone in Denmark, as well as a little tinge of " well, if you're going somewhere alone, so can I", next step was choosing a destination.

I had first thought of going work on a farm to New Zealand where a good friend of mine had invited me to stop by. The thought of then travelling to Japan quickly went away as I looked at the prices of the
plane tickets and time. India was my next logical choice, as the plane tickets can be quite cheap, as well as the living there.
As much as hindus mythology is one of my favorite one, I had no particular interest in seing the country, or actually, in travelling.
The trip felt more like a rejection that a choice, like a punishment than enjoyment.

Once arrived in India, as the month passed, as i settled with my classes and meeting people as the relationship was going through waves of doubts from my companion. In this strange miror, all the doubts which i gave at first were being fed back to me.
That is where i started discovering the beauty of India and it's legendary healing magic. Speaking with the people I met, clues by clues I started to see the begining of the work I have to do on myself. This relationship seeming like a repeating pattern, I am determined to see what that pattern is to not repeat it.

In order to do this, i first had to face my own assumptions and other preconceived ideas, as well as my cynism. If I so easily make fun of the westerners going through india looking for healing, is because I
did not want to accept that there was anything in me to heal. Yet I now see that i am also one of them. I see my problems that come from childhood which I was not ready to face. My thoughts towards the "childhood patterns" and other such psychologies have not been
the most positive ones. Yet, reviewing the past, I now have to admit that some childhood events have been very formative and shaped my behaviour until now, when I am ready to face and change the patterns.
My childhood review moved on through teenagehood, and laters years until now.

Reading a couple of new agy type of books, I opened up to a new simplicity, which i had before rejected.
I enjoyed reading those books, and realize now that the people reading such apparently simple books had more courage than I did. Reading books to help oneself in a simple manner is a road to self healing, as much as other techniques. Those best sellers books have helped many people before, and they have now helped me.
Reiki masters being so plentifull around here, I even tried a Reiki session from a friend. I am not sure of the results, but one thing is sure, is that it relaxed me, and that is the begining of all good works.

"To release the past, we must be willing to forgive"

As for too many people, the feeling of being unloved, misunderstood and alone has always been prevalent in my life. In return, I was never abble to accept love, and instead I felt like a giver, always taking care of others, to the extent of forgetting myself. This not being able to receive love has finally caught up to me enough that I see that I have to change this behaviour. I do not want to repeat this mistake again. Not only does this attitude hurt me but it also hurt others.

" We have lessons to learn. The things that are so difficult for us are only the lessons we have chosen for oursleves. if things are easy for us, then they are not lessons but are things we already know"

The monks have been celebrating the Buddha's birth, death, enlightment and first speech. It is a holly week and a special month for the Buddhists of the world.

Today I saw my afternoon monks for the last class. Busy in the temple, they just had the time to offer me a bead bracelet, a tibetan fabric vajra and the traditional white scarf for tashi delek (good luck used for hello). It is yet another gift from the kind souls I have discovered here. As I had been sad about thinking how I so rarely got gift from others, yet as I always thought so much about them and getting them things before my own self (except from my family which has always been so good to me), the monks offered sunflower seeds, cookies or a pack of fruit juice. Little gifts which could seem as nothing, but which I was so greatefull.

These few days with a more open schedule has given me some much needed time with the good people I have met here.
Time to review myself, and start seing the work i now have to apply.

I had gotten lost in eternity and in concepts for too long. Even if i accept my own process, I now see the complexity as a form of escapism, as a way to not deal with the now. After all, there is nothing like infinity to forget about the eternal now. I want to get back to the simple things of watching birds fly by, or an old monk feeding insects, the water of the river flowing by and glimmering in the sun of a million diamonds. I want to see those things with a child's eye again, marvelled at the things I discover; not as a thinker and overanalizer. Sometimes the water is just water and that's beautiful in itself. I want to get back to my origins while aknowledging the culture I live in, and I do not need complicated words to get there anymore.
Enlighted people don't surpass others, they surpass their former selves" says Julian in the Monk who sold his Ferrari.

If I do not believe anyone who can tell me what life and death is, i do trust those that say that life is what we make out of it. We are the creators of our own lives. We are each responsible for the way we handle things. The universe also has it's saying in our story, but being so little we can not understand it, only tiny parts of it, sometimes, maybe. Aknowledging our ignorance, all that remains is you and the universe you choose to create. Tame and discipline your mind like the wild elephant it is say the Buddhists.

The complex religious and various systems have their place in the world, as anything else, but I feel that for now it is not what I need for the moment.

"Some people learn from the errors others have made. They are the wise. Others feel that true learning comes only from personal experience. Such people endure needless pain and distress over the course of their lives"
The monk who sold his ferrari by Robin S Sharma, a wonderful tale of initiation, close to the Alchemist by Paulo Coelo, I highly recommend it to anyone into such tales.

We all make mistakes. One way to look at them in a positive light is to think of them as lessons. We can turn mistakes into positive experiences by the time we are willing to accept our faults and learn from them. A mistake is only what we have not learned from, and what we repeat because of our ignorance.

I have made many mistakes and I will still make some.

Here are a few of my mistakes, in hope that you can learn from them.
- Do not ever take anything for granted. The love of your friends, family and lovers, the flowers blooming and the joy to wake up in the morning to a new day.
Take the time to cherish the things you love, and never forget yourself.
Cherish the life you have, because it is the only one you will ever have. Tell the ones you love that you love them and that they matter. If you have kids, grow with them.
- Accept love when it comes to you. Do not question it. Love is a gift from life, it is your best teacher. Love is the ground where you can apply the things you learn through books and other experiences.
- If you are attracted by the spirit world, by the religions, go and study them. Yet, never forget that the spirit world is also right here, on this earth. Even if it might be a temporarly attraction, thinking that the spirit world is "up", that it is outside of yourself, too often makes people forget to practice the daily life and it's little details. It is easy to think that the spirit world is not the one we leave in now.
- Respect yourself and the planet you live on. Earth is a beautiful little blue planet, floating amongst billions of other planets and stars. yet for now, this little blue ball is the only one we know. As attractive and as fascinating as space travel can get, Earth is full of riches yet undiscovered, rich of enough experiences to fill your life with beauty and gratitude. All that is needed is for you to be willing to embrace those amazing experiences.
- Give yourself a private space, where you can practice daily meditation. Review your day, and the things you have done good or the things you do not want to repeat. Write them down and learn from them.
- Do not beat yourself up more than nescessary. The natural deceptions of life will do that just fine without you.
- Enjoy the process of life and make it the life you want it to be.
- Every day be thankfull for being able to experience this magnificent mystery, love it and share it with others.

I do not know where my relationship with my companion is anymore.
As painfull as this can be, all I can do is accept that things change, and passes as the water goes. One can never force love onto another. Monkhood not being an option for me now, all I can do is make a beautiful story out of this travel, instead of one of loss. As I do not know where life will lead me next, I will stay strong and keep on learning. I can only keep on working on my life, and make it what I want it to be, a kind, loving and compassionate one.

Thanking the Universe for giving me this learning experience, and hope that one day i will meet the man who accepts me as i am, with my faults and my mistakes, one to whom I can say a long lasting "I love you", to grow and keep on learning together.

But for now and here, next step is Nepal. I live tomorrow, and will be on the train by saturday. Next entry from Pokkara, Nepal. So, see you there.

Lots of love to those that read this. Say " I love you to the ones you love" and treat yourself to a nice thing today.
Joyeux anniversaire papa, et bon repas de celebration!
Pleins de bisous

ps: this is 2 notes compiled in one. Edition will come laters when I will write the book I have been talking about.